I Think I Gave Myself Cancer

Feat: Colors of the Day, Energy Updates, Recommendations, & How I Believe Emotions and Dis-ease are Interconnected

Sep 18, 2025

In today’s mix of magic + musings:⚡️ Energetic Color of the Day Chart, 🌕 Week of Sept. 22 Energy Update, 💁‍♀️ a Peek inside Christina’s World, & 💕What I’m loving right now.

⚡️ Energetic Color of the Day:

Not sure what to wear? Consider matching your outfits to the corresponding energy of the day!

Week of September 22 Energy Update:

🌚 We’ve survived the New Moon and Solar Eclipse in Virgo on the 21st and are in the peak of eclipse season. For many of you, this eclipse portal deeply impacted karmic cycles and provided clarity on what needs to be cleared from your past. Remember when one cycle ends another one begins.

This moment carries rare momentum for both release and renewal. Pay attention to what’s falling away and what’s coming in, because it’s shaping your path ahead.

There’s lot’s happening on Monday! 🌞 We’re greeted by the Autumn Equinox on the 22nd when the Sun enters Libra, bringing in themes of balance, harmony and justice. The hours of light and dark are almost equal, which is strongly symbolic as we move into scales of Libra.

The Equinox invites you to reflect, release, and embark on a fresh start with the passing of the new moon.You may feel tension between your soul alignment and ego’s desires, but it’s safe to surrender to this energy and trust the divine flow.

♏️ Mars, the planet of action, also enters Scorpio on the 22nd giving you the determination to fight for what you believe in and pursue your goals with passion over the weeks ahead.

💫This is your time to follow your inner guidance and rise into harmony with yourself! You’re being encouraged to trust your intuition and relinquish control this week, while embracing a new season of balance and renewal.

Try A Balance Ritual! Perfect to harness the Autumn Equinox energy 🍁

You’ll need 2 candles, one light and one dark to symbolize duality. Take a few deep breaths and center yourself in your heart, while imagining grounding cords anchoring you into the Earth. Feel into the power of abundance and light your candles. As you ignite the lighter of the two candles say, “I honor the light, my joys, my accomplishments, and the abundance within me.” Place the darker candle next to the lighter one, ignite it and say, “I honor the shadow, my lessons, my endings, and the wisdom I’ve harvested.”

As the candles burn acknowledge the successes you’ve had this year. What have you achieved or embodied? What have you harvested (emotionally or physically)? How will you continue to nurture yourself and/or what you’re creating as you move into the next season of life? Now consider what you have learned this year? How have you changed? What or who have you grown out of? How will you continue to honor your happiness as we move into autumn? You may choose to journal your reflections or simply meditate on them.

To close, show gratitude for the energy of abundance during the Autumn Equinox. Recognizing the balance of effort vs rest, giving vs receiving, growing vs shedding. Then blow out both candles simultaneously to symbolize equal parts light and dark, just like this day.

✨ Personal Update:

Last night the concept of forgiveness hit me like a ton of bricks. Forgiveness has been one of the major catalysts/themes in my life. Without forgiveness I would be on a much different path. Most likely an extremely destructive one.

for·give | /fərˈɡiv/ verb
stop feeling angry or resentful toward (someone) for an offense, flaw, or mistake.

Forgiveness is tough. It requires humility, and humility is NOT easy. It forces reflection in a way that strips away everything you think you know about yourself. It forces you to look at how you show up in the world, how you react to people and things and places, how your actions impact the people around you. It teaches you a lesson in who you are verses who you think you are. It holds up a mirror to how you react, the words you use, the tone you take, the emotions you spill, and the emotions you suppress.

hu·mil·i·ty | /hyo͞oˈmilədē/ | noun
a modest or low view of one's own importance; humbleness.

For me forgiveness has been extremely overwhelming. Overwhelming to the point that if I don’t find ways to address and heal it, I fear I’ll give myself cancer again. Yes, you read that right. I think I gave myself cancer. Well, to be clear it wasn’t me per se, it was the suppression of my emotions.

The raw reality is that I have never wanted to be a victim of circumstance. I wanted to rise above my story and leave it in the past, because I felt like my story wasn’t the thing that defined me. I was the thing that defined me. But as much as I’ve wanted to down play it, we are all a collection of our stories.

After the initial shock of my cancer diagnosis wore off, I went looking for answers. Asking every doctor I met what they thought I could have done differently to prevent such an outcome? But no one could give me an answer. It was a string of vague responses à la “sometimes these things just happen” followed by, “at least you got the good one”. Pardon? The good one. The consolation prize for a game I didn’t know I entered to play.

I was stunned. This was not an acceptable answer. My questions on ‘root causes’ were being met with such finality and focus on temporary future solutions (aka chemo and radiation) with no regard for how and why I got here in the first place.

I questioned our food and ingredients, only to be told that trace amounts of chemicals in our food system wouldn’t be enough to cause cancer. My retort, “but if trace amounts are in everything we’re consuming, doesn’t that make them less trace?” Don’t be stupid Christina, companies test for those kind of things. Now sit down, stop asking questions, and take your chemo like a good little girl.

I was being brushed off like a child for asking silly questions. That’s when I started questioning EVERYTHING. If my doctor’s couldn’t/wouldn’t give me an answer, then it was time for me to look outside the medical establishment.

That was until I met Nancy, and Nancy🤍 helped me find answers. Dating all the way back to 8000 BCE, Eastern medicine practices have recognized the cause and effect of emotions and dis-ease in the body. Understanding that a physical response is the body’s way of indicating suppressed or unprocessed emotions. Treating the mind and body as an inseparable unit, Eastern medicine puts an emphasis on how energy and balance move through this integral complex system. It made so much sense.

Disease isn’t just a physical problem, it’s a symptom of a blocked emotional current in the body that’s screaming for attention.

I had a visceral reaction to this information. Emotions are tied to disease? I had to know what my cancer was tied to!

That’s when I came upon Louise Hay’s Heal your Body book. It’s a simple list of aliments, their possible emotional root causes, and positive thought forms to help combat those correlating negative feelings. Sounds crazy, until you learn that Louise healed herself of cancer. I’ve probably given away at lest 10 copies of her book. For me, it’s an invaluable resource and guide to better understanding my body.

Hodgkin’s Disease: Blame and a tremendous fear of not being good enough. A frantic race to prove one’s self until the blood has no substance left to support itself. The joy of life is forgotten in the race for acceptance.
Lymph Problems: A warning that the mind needs to be recentered on the essentials of life. Love and joy.
Cancer: Deep hurt. Longstanding resentment. Deep secret or grief eating away at the self. Carrying hatreds. "What's the use?"

My body could no longer sustain itself because I hated who I was. Isn’t that the saddest thing. A 20 year old girl, who hated and avoided her true self so much that the only way to force self-reflection was through the development of a major disease in the body. All because she was didn’t feel like she could be her true authentic self.

I’m sure you’re curious as to how this all came about. That’s always the first question people ask. It started with A LOT of coughing. So much coughing that my body would convulse and vomit in an attempt for release. One of my tumors was pushing directly on my esophagus. You know what’s connected to coughing: A desire to bark at the world. “See me! Listen to me!” I’ll give you two guesses as to what I wasn’t doing.

Prior to this seminal moment I felt like my voice had been cut off. I wasn’t allowed to say what I wanted to say. I wasn’t allowed to be who I wanted to be and my body fell in line, then eventually rebelled against me and all of my suppressed emotions. But to it’s credit I’ve always been a rebel. My parents can attest to that.

I hadn’t intended to pull 3 cards today, but that’s what came flying out. Another reminder to stop controlling and start allowing/accepting.

Starseed Oracle - Card #1. *Fated Life*: The call of the ego/the obvious. Card #2. *Destiny Life*: The call of the soul. Card #3. *The Bridge*: The leap, challenge, or decision to face, and the change or action you’re being called to make.

The Call of the Ego/the Obvious: The Earth has a rhythm you can see in the tides and the seasons, yet modern life pulls us out of sync. This card is a reminder to slow down, reconnect with nature, and surrender to the pulse of the Mother. Somewhere along the way, many of us severed our bond with the land, looking to others for belonging instead. But the Earth still waits, ready to receive you, hold you, and remind you that you belong. When you connect, stagnant energy falls away and you remember you’re woven into all of life.

The Call of the Soul: If you wait for the path to be perfectly paved, you may never take the first step. The most courageous and needed leaders are the ones who don’t wait for permission or for someone else to go first — they lead themselves. This card calls you to pave the way where none exists, to use your voice and gifts to represent what matters. No one else has your unique blend of skills and life experience. Do it for younger you, for those who come after. When you go first, you make it easier for others to follow. Forge, don’t follow.

The leap, challenge, or decision to face, and the change or action your’e being called to make: The Great Mother has held you from your first breath and will be there for your last. She knows how hard it is to be human — the loneliness, the polarity, the extremes. Yet it’s through these highs and lows that we grow. This card invites you to welcome both the agony and the ecstasy, the beauty and the bitterness, as part of your initiation into life. Lay your fears, sorrows, and burdens on Her altar and let yourself be held. The more wildly life’s pendulum swings, the more fully you can say, I have truly lived.

Now’s as good a time as ever to reconnect, lead, and embrace all that life has to offer, without feeling the need to carry any burden on our shoulders!

Have you truly lived? 💫