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In today’s mix of magic + musings: Upcoming ⚡️ Energy Update + 🪄 a spell to help alchemize. Followed by 🫶 Client Corner, 💁♀️ Story Time from me, 🔮 Oracle Insights from the heavens, 💕 things I’m loving right now.
⚡️ Week of Sept 10 Energy Update:
How’s everyone feeling after the last eclipse? Ngl that energy was dragging me down. Yesterday was the 9/9 Portal, which closed out old patterns and karmic cycles that needed to be released. The timing of the 9/9 Portal, couldn’t have been more perfect with today’s New Moon. The energy just feels different. It’s a wonderful balance of neutrality and calm to plant seeds for the future.
🌝 New Moon in Virgo on Sept 10
If you know any Virgo’s then you know they’re organized, great at solving problems, and working hard. Today’s New Moon is bringing that energy to life so you can ground your dreams into reality. It’s time to rise to your potential and see your worth. This New Moon is encouraging you to make small, yet impactful changes to your daily habits. This isn’t about being perfect, it’s about making lasting, realistic improvements in your everyday life.
Turn inward and ask yourself: What do I actually need to find/maintain happiness/success as I move into fall?
🪄 Alchemize the Energy: Quick Bay Leaf Burn
This New Moon is exceptionally good time to manifest!
According to Scott Cunningham’s Encyclopedia of Magical Herbs: wishes are written on bay leaves which are then burned to make them come true and a bay leaf held in the mouth wards off bad luck.
Let’s do just that! Take a moment to ground your energy and center yourself in your heart. Then ask yourself the question above: What do I actually need to find/maintain happiness/success as I move into fall?
Distill the answer down to one word and write it on the bay leaf with a marker (ex: focus, clarity, happiness, drive, grounding). Then light the leaf on fire and drop it into a fire safe bowl.
And so it is.
💁♀️ Story Time:
Forewarning, I was in a very dark place when I wrote this yesterday. My overwhelming sadness brought me back to an old version of Christina, a version I’d rather forget. Every so often these intrusive thoughts comes flooding back into my mind like a titlewave, demolishing every last ounce of happiness and optimism. The devastation is so great that I withdraw and isolate like a sick animal.
I think it’s important to share the ugly, shameful side. The side of me that I’d rather not discuss, because it’s real. I may be a healer who can chanel angels, but I’m also a human, who’s struggled immensely and had a very hard life. So in the spirit of transparency… here’s my reality.
I’m really struggling today. I keep asking myself: what is this all for? I’ve been working so hard the past 18 months, but sometimes it feels so fruitless. I thought by now I’d have a full roster of clients and a waiting list so long that’d I’d be forced to raise my prices, hire an assistant, and go global.
I was sure I’d change every client’s life so dramatically that they’d have no choice but to tell every single person they met, just how impactful energy healing was. But maybe I’m not as good as I think I am. Maybe I’m not meant to be a healer. Maybe I’ve been living in a fantasy land somewhere at the crossroads of confidence and delusion.
Working for yourself can be alienating sometimes a lot of the time. I’ve been conditioned from a young age to put on a happy face, pretending everything’s fine day in and day out. Convinced I’ll figure it all out and at some point the puzzle pieces will fall into place, but they’re not. And I don’t know if they ever will.
It’s so hard to stay motivated. Some Most days I want to throw my hands up in the air and give up. I”m jealous of the people who are happy living conventional lives. Who wake up, go to work, then go home without a care in the world. Leaving the pressure of the day behind, not giving it second thought until 8AM when they clock back in.
I’m jealous of the people who have families and partners with whom they can share their life and accomplishments with. I just constantly w so behind. Each day, I get older and realize just how alone I am. I watch the life I’ve always wanted get farther and farther away with each passing minute.
Everyday I continue to show up. I put on a big happy face and do the work— churning out content, meeting new people, learning new things—but for what? I’m tired of being an inspiration. I’m tired of people telling me they’re so proud of me and “to keep going” because I feel like a fraud. I’m tired of being the strong, resilient one who’s able to do everything. For once I just want to be held, cradled, and doted on.
On days like this, I can’t seem to remember the purpose, my WHY for doing any of this. Being an solopreneur is so hard. No one’s here to help me with the work I can’t or don’t want to do. No one’s here to lean on when I’m sad or stressed or overwhelmed. No one’s here, but me and I’m tired of me. Today, I don’t even like or want to be around me.
I hate to admit it, but the isolation and pressure has finally gotten to me. I’m so afraid to lose it all, yet I’m ready to throw in the towel and quit it all. I don’t know what I’m doing anymore and today I definitely don’t know what it’s all for. I can’t shake this nagging voice that I’m an utter failure. I hate that I’m living this very human experience and questioning my worth. This is the kind of day I want to fast forward through and erase from my memory.
The reality is I’m lonely. I’m surrounded by friends and people who love me, yet I’m still so alone. I miss affection and physical touch so much that I can barely remember the sensation of it. I, the natural nurturer, lover, and mushball, never thought I’d be single at 42, with zero prospects. I never wanted children, but each day it feels like that choice is being taken away from me and soon the option will be removed entirely. Is this going to be the biggest regret of my life?
I’m acutely aware of how far behind I am compared to my friends and I don’t know how to catch up. When do things get easier? When will I finally catch a break? Life has been so difficult. I convinced myself I’d front loaded my karma and the second half of life would be sunshine and roses, but it’s not. Instead it continues to humble me day in and day out with no reprieve insight.
Voices from my past continue to haunt me. Maybe all the things I’ve been told are true? Maybe I am too picky? Maybe I am too broken? Maybe I am just too hard to love?
Maybe… I don’t actually know what I’m doing.
“Reality is something you rise above.” - Liza Minnelli 🤍
🔮 Oracle Insights:
This week’s card pull comes from the Mystic Shaman Oracle Deck
The Child knows the way to joy and happiness, offering a second innocence — one born of wisdom, not naiveté. This card invites you to release the habit of being yourself and see your life, your partner, even your own reflection with fresh eyes. Become a mystery unto yourself again. Set yourself free from your conditioning for suffering; you were born unfettered and happy, and can be so again if you make the choice right now. The Child will help you correct your course, recover your sense of play, and reconnect with childlike wonder.
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Firstly I love you. Thank you for showing up here with honesty always! Your vulnerability is a gift, even if people don’t say so out loud. I think one of the most (at first) devastating things I realized this year is that no one knows what they’re doing and that so much of our negative feelings are linked directly to an external interpretation of what we should be doing and what life should look like, especially as we age.
Like, nobody cares and that’s devastating; nobody cares and that’s freeing; nobody cares and that should feel freeing but all I feel is sad.
Really interesting that you pulled The Child card on this specific newsletter. Are the low moments ultimately necessary for growth because they force us to confront the unresolved negative feelings? I wonder what happens when we lean into the low moments with that mindset.
Also sometimes… we just need to vent! Love you ❤️